


Impossibilities

by bearlyepic



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, I have no idea what I'm doing, M/M, demisexual ronan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 11:35:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3248204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearlyepic/pseuds/bearlyepic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan thought he could never love anyone, and Adam always believed he was undeserving of love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impossibilities

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfiction. I decided to explore some Adam and Ronan while I'm lying at home sick.

It was fucking ironic wasn't it? Ronan thought he could never love anyone, and Adam always believed he was undeserving of love. The dark-haired boy stared at the sharp outlines of Adam's Henrietta-born-and-bred features as if he could burn away whatever he was feeling if he just stared hard enough. Adam pretended not to notice that Ronan was looking at him at all, instead casting his gaze down at his hands, folded limply in his lap. It was their second trip to the farm, alone. The dark-haired one didn't think he could handle the Gansey-Blue guilt stench for another road trip. He wasn't blind. He could see their glances and not quite accidental touches. At least Blue wasn't the giggling type. Not like his older brother's girlfriends.

That was when he first noticed that the bimbos and fluttery eyelashes didn't do anything for him. His brother, in an effort to save whatever scrap of brotherly love that still existed between them, always tried to get Ronan to talk about his "type". Ronan always answered with a glare that said, "Fuck off." Despite this, Declan always failed to understand why Ronan would literally prefer to be buried alive than meet yet another one of his girlfriends. Obviously Ronan was just waiting for the right one, or he was a prude, or whatever excuse let Declan sleep at night. 

It turned out that Adam existed to be an exception. The only student so annoyingly intelligent, hardworking, and stubborn enough to find himself among the posh. He should have grated against Ronan's nerves. After-all, the sudden appearance of the sun-tanned boy threatened his "Biggest Chip on the Shoulder" title, one that the dreamer took very seriously. Ronan didn't know how, or when it had happened, but somewhere along the lines mild hostility had melted away into something that looked a little too much like caring. And that bothered him. He wasn't supposed to care about anyone but his bird, his little brother, and Gansey. And he was not supposed to care in a way that made him feel shy whenever he caught himself staring. No, fuck that. Well, that was sort of the problem wasn't it? The fact he was even thought about the possibility of fucking that was so strange and out of the blue that Ronan had actually done a mental double-take. 

And the worst part was that Ronan, despite his denial and scowls, had the sneaking suspicion that Adam was on to him. Maybe it was the way that Adam had climbed into the passenger seat without a single question about where they were going or what they were doing. Maybe it was the number of times those eyes turned to stare right back at him. Maybe it was the fact that Adam was cursed to know everyone's painful little secrets.

Considering Adam knew practically everything Ronan had to hide, what did it matter if one more cat was out of the bag? Ronan huffed out loud, and those captivating eyes slid back to look at him, a seriousness within them.

"Ronan?" Adam questioned, working himself up to something. "Why are we out here?" 

"Wanted to see the farm, wanted to get away from Henrietta, fuck I don't know, Adam," Ronan half-lied.

Adam's eyes narrowed like they did whenever he was working and a car or a calculus problem was giving him particular trouble. He was trying to figure out the puzzle of Ronan. Heh, Ronan wished him luck. He had been trying to figure himself out ever since his dreams started appearing in his hands. 

One word slipped past those lips, twinged with a Henrietta drawl, "Bullshit."

Ronan actually smirked, a smirk that could have been cruel if it wasn't Adam in front of him. He leaned forward, so that if he wanted to he could lay his chin down on Adam's hunched shoulders. "I don't think you want to know the truth," Ronan sneered. 

"Ronan," Adam said in exasperation, rolling his eyes, "you're treading on drama queen territory."

Ronan recoiled, throwing his arms up. "Fine! I'll tell you the truth. This place, its like a dream without sleeping. Its a sleepy haze in between what exists and what doesn't exist. Everything here is a thing of impossibility. Even you and even me. I just want us to exist and not exist for a while," he said, his voice twinging with something a little mocking. Whether he was mocking Adam or himself, Ronan couldn't say. 

"Us?" Adam questioned. "Why us? Why not take Gansey here? Why don't the whole lot of us come up here?"

"Its different with you," Ronan said after pause, quietly. 

Adam looked him the eye, challenging him. "How is it different, Ronan?" He knew. Of course he fucking knew, and he was goading Ronan into admitting it. A surge of anger strangled his chest, and Ronan stood sharply, scuffing the dirt with frustration. 

"Fuck, Adam, just leave it alone," Ronan growled.

"No. Why is it me, Ronan?" Adam challenged, his own stubbornness mixing with that anger he was always trying to hide. They were both too much like their fathers. 

Ronan paced like a caged animal, before he snarled, "You're different. I actually fucking like someone and it has to be you. What? I said it!" Ronan nearly shouted, glaring at Adam's slightly stunned look. "Do you feel better now? Do you feel special? Adam Parrish has managed to make Ronan Lynch actually feel something. Well congratulations!" 

Ronan collapsed back into a seated position, knuckles clenched, angry at Adam. But really, he was angry at himself, especially when he saw the sour look of hurt and defensiveness on Adam's face. 

"I'm not.." Adam started, and Ronan laughed.

"What? Gay? I know. You'd rather pine and mope about Blue while she pines and mopes about Gansey while Gansey pines and mopes about Glendower. I thought I was above that whole thing until you came along and look, its a fucking cycle," Ronan spat. 

"No, I was saying I'm not ready," Adam said, a shaky look in his eyes. He looked fragile again, like the night that Ronan had defended him from his father. The same intense need to protect surged through Ronan, but he ignored it. "I need time. When this," Adam said, flinging his arms around him, "is all over then, I don't know. Maybe it could work," Adam said softly, as if he needed to convince himself of it.

Ronan let out a shaky sigh, his hands rubbing against the stubble of his hair on his head. "Fine. I'll wait but don't force yourself. Not for me. I'm not fucking worth it," he said, rising and heading toward his vehicle. The time of nonexisting was decidedly over. Adam followed him silently.


End file.
